Fear

The most potent of fantasies

By Paul Barber

“Is the system going to flatten you out and deny you your humanity, or are you going to be able to make use of the system to the attainment of human purposes?" (Joseph Campbell).

Fear is a helpful reminder of the territory we inhabit. Being unable to settle into a pattern, for instance my own academic style, writing this piece I’m fearful of not being able to do myself justice, letting myself down, and all those other little dramas that preoccupy my little ego-inflated self. And this interests me, for although I’ve experienced profound fear in my body, physiologically, and felt it emotionally when my identity was threatened, a part of me, beyond my ego I would suggest, even at these times was fearless and untouched.

So what is fear? I know what physiologists and psychotherapists usually say, something along the lines of an over-agitation of the organism, a reptilian response of the primitive sympathetic nervous system, an experiential state of risk where an individual feels catapulted beyond their social and psychic support systems. And this might well be true, but these signs are not so much causes as symptoms of fear. So how might I glibly define it? An embodied over-identification with past pain and identity, coupled with a current surrender to imagination.

Fears are often seen in two broad guises, free-floating or generalized, and focused or targeted upon specific things and events. Fear here is a multidimensional creature with somatic, experiential, and cognitive features, as well as a subjective energy that though felt, cannot be directly observed. At root, it rests in our expectations; in the space before a happening; in a limbo zone where the worst is expected but has not yet come. Fear is all the more fearful because of this, its ghost-like quality.

I remember being fearful when my son was diagnosed with cancer, and being fearless when discussing cancer and breaking the news to him. I remember being fearful when contemplating and imagining the possible manner of his death, but being fearless as I nursed him through his death. So what does this say about the nature of fear? Is it merely a phantom we conjure up to haunt ourselves with? And death, what is this but the most fearful of our dramas, the one we most often buy into.

Preservation of self and all that is associated with the self seems to be the prime concern of fear. Note how phobias are produced by high places (acrophobia), open spaces (agoraphobia), closed places (claustrophobia) and darkness (nytophobia), times when we are disorientated from the self. See also how it appears symbolically, in such symbols of death as poisonous animals (zoophobia) or germs and contamination (mysophobia), where death again comes to equal ego extinction. Hold less tightly to the self, and we may possibly find ourselves letting go of a good deal of fear!

Physically, our fears show themselves in increased heart rate and palpitations; high blood pressure and muscular tension; difficulty in breathing and deep sighs; diluted pupils and dry mouth; facial pallor and a cold clammy skin. When fear is prolonged, there may be slow heartbeat and low blood pressure; nausea and lack of sleep; restlessness and tremor; rapid speech and rapid movement and withdrawal.

Psychologically, fear shows itself in impaired concentration and attention, forgetfulness and errors of judgement; thought blocking and confusion. There is a close tie between fear and anger, fear and depression, fear and guilt, fear and suspiciousness. When our ego or self image is threatened, and our mental defences are all but overcome, we experience fear. Consider the commonest time for heat-attacks - 9am on Monday mornings. Do you now get a feel for the territory fear occupies?

On a continuum from moderate fear to panic, fear moves from the healthy to the disabling:

Mild fear is associated with the anxiety that accompanies the daily task of living, and serves to heighten sensory alertness.
Moderate fear causes tunnel vision and a loss of peripheral perception, but is nevertheless necessary, for stimulation and increased metabolism at times of crisis.
Severe fear blots out everything but that which is feared, and has little positive effect.
Panic results when we are overwhelmed and controlled by fear alone and, if left unabated, can in extreme cases lead to exhaustion and death.

When I list my more common fears they tend to fall into fears of losing control or being controlled by others; being rejected and becoming trapped; being punished or meeting pain. Yet life is all of these things - all the more exciting because of them – and indeed all the sweeter for when they stop. And if they were not there at all, how would I know contentment?

Some people get accustomed to fearful anxiety as a constant in life, and become quite upset when fear isn’t there to motivate them. Fear gives them a purpose, something to avoid, to fight or to plan against. In this way they become addicted to and dependent upon their fears. After all, doesn’t an enemy who comes to life on the outside allow us a temporary escape from the real enemy within? And what is the nature of this inner enemy? Our inability to detach ourselves from the part of us that fears?

Some years back I conducted a study into the core fears that people expressed in group settings:

At a sensory or physical level, I found individuals were fearful of misperceiving evidence; being overwhelmed by stimuli; drifting out of sensory contact.
At the social or cultural level, I found such fears as offending others; being seen to be different; receiving ridicule or rejection.
At the emotional or transferential level of engagement individuals expressed fears of being powerless; punished; overwhelmed by the emotional demands of others.
At the imaginative or fantasy level, individuals haunted themselves with being made worse by exposure to others distress; losing self control; hurting others.
At the symbolic or transpersonal level over and beyond the self, individuals expressed fears of being extinguished; going mad; meeting with the unknown and unknowable.

And when I questioned myself and my subjects further, did we want to move beyond our fears? No? Our fears awoke us, motivated us, occasioned much change; in short, they were both a spur and a growing pain. Jeffers (1991) makes a similar point when she suggests that:

Fear will never go away as long as you continue to grow (fear is a natural consequence of facing change).
The only way to get rid of the fear about doing something is to go out and do it (you can not go round fear - only through it).
The only way to feel better about yourself is to do what you are afraid of (face the fear).
Not only am I going to experience fear whenever I am on unfamiliar territory, but so is everyone else (essentially, fear is part of the human condition).
Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness (working through fear is better than giving in to it).

Personally, I am suggesting in this essay that most of my fear tends to hover between where I am now and where I want to be. That is, it seems to be something I project upon the future, for when I am fully engaged within the real crises of my life, I am oblivious to fear. Fear equals an association with imagined future events. I might feel fear and shock post an event, but when I am really in it I have no time to indulge in fearfulness. Fear is the product of projection. When I catch fear stealing into the moment I attend to my senses; concentrate on my breathing; attune more mindfully to what I am seeing and hearing and physically experiencing – right now. Speaking about my fears dilutes them further; it also bonds me to humankind.

“From of old there were not two paths.

Those who have arrived all walked the same road” (Zanrin).

So what are we to do about it, this informant of ours, fear? Personally, attuning to my sensations and the sensory world seems to support and to ground me. So positioned, I listen very carefully to fear’s message. Sometimes it says “Stop!”, other times it says “Stay aware”, “Proceed cautiously” or “Stay within your support systems”. Fear doesn’t prevent me from progressing – rather it alerts me to proceed cautiously with a little more support. In this way it is a guide and friend.

At heart, I am suggesting here that most fear is fear of fear itself, or a remembrance or pre-occupation with earlier pains. With our clients, the more fear they feel on the inside the harder and thicker we may experience their armour becoming on the outside. In this context, an over-authoritarian individual or organisation may be suggested to be running away from their inner nature. So what is the alternative to curing them of their fears? Well, alert them to the fact that, as there will always be more forces beyond than under our control, we might as well accept our fears as constant companions and act accordingly.

Fears are a common currency of life. They can be our friends, yet we may make them our enemies. For instance, just when I am beginning to believe the arrogance that I have life sussed, thankfully, fear re-appears to bite me on the rump:

“The art of a warrior is to balance the terror of being a man with the wonder of being a man” (Carlos Castaneda).

I'm sometimes afraid I won't achieve my destiny or purpose, but what am I living now if not these things?